SECOND YEAR: the wilting flower

Let's cut right through the suspense and reveal that I am the wilting flower.



In a world where there was no guidance, where you had to figure very single thing out, from finding out which books were the best to study from and wading through the library books to get an idea, peeking over the shoulder to catch a glimpse of which book your staunch competitor was reading, to asking teachers which books they thought would help us in our initial stages (to which we usually got completely unhelpful answers) to failing in tests to swallowing your pathetic pride and grabbing your seniors to help you out, and to top it off, dealing with extreme self-consciousness, anxiety, a generous helping of depression and an extra uncalled-for insulating layer of fat as your body's response to keep you protected from the big, bad, stressful external environment, you most certainly felt painfully lost.

Little did I know that everyone was going through the same effing thing that I was going through.

But I was not to know this until I had reached my final year. And this too I had to figure out on my own.

FIRST YEAR: the ass****

Frankly speaking, I was an asshat in my first year of MBBS. Having done O Levels and A Level with exceptional success, I had entered my first year of medical college with all the narcissism and obnoxiousness of a high-nosed, know-it-all cow.

I would never be friends with me. How some of the first few friends tolerated my unpleasantness is beyond me. Little did I know that this attitude of mine was soon to be put to test and that my next three years would be...



or like I say now: 'I would never wish upon any of my enemies the terrible times I have faced at this medical college.'

I hated most of the Professors and teachers here in this medical college. I found them to be rude, demeaning and highly narcissistic; most of them were sadists, including the principle.

I seriously, in all honesty felt stuck, like the baby that gets stuck in a condition called shoulder dystocia. It is an extremely dangerous and painful condition and most of the time, the baby expires.

'Na idhar ki na udhar ki', as Pakistanis would say.

One of my very close friends would call these difficulties that I faced, "desirable difficulties".

YEAH, EFFIN', RIGHT!

I am 100 percent sure, no actually, one million percent sure that I did NOT desire these difficulties. Nuh-uh!

But my dear friend shook her wise head and said, 'desirable difficulties are the kind of difficulties that you would never want to face in your life, yet they are important in order to shape you into a stronger, better person, to bring out all those sides in you that will help you conquer this eccentric phenomenon that we know as life.

(If you want to read more about it: read Malcolm Gladwell's book 'David and Goliath'.)

Anyone who wishes to enter into this mayhem we call medicine, please know that the aforementioned wise words (indeed) will need to be kept in mind most of the time. The words are bound to escape a forgetful mind like mine but they are true nonetheless and have acted kind of like an anchor whenever I felt like I might be having a myocardial infarction or a sad attack of an absent seizure.

Cassini

Google is the CUTEST!

This is the (unmanned) Cassini spacecraft sent to space to snap some pics of Saturn. ^_^

Medschool Experiences

Title: No Strings Locks Attached

This post is going to have extensions. (Inshallah)

This post is going to consist of all the things that I am experiencing in medschool. 

Let me start off with how incredibly blessed I am to be able to study and learn all the absolutely fecking amazing things about our bodies in all aspects. I cannot thank my Lord enough. He is the GREATEST. 

EKH! *slams fist on the desk and scolds herself: "What did I tell you about keeping things between you and your Lord private and not infiltrating your posts online with cliched verses of how grateful you are to your Lord. Save it for the five times prayers, the nafils, the tahajjud and the quiet times of the night and whenever possible. Just please spare your invisible audience the pain of reading your pathetic rants about how grateful you are to your Lord. Not cool!"*

Oh wow, that was uncalled for.

Anyway.

Today I had to hurry to the bathroom to relieve my poor aching bladder, and when I entered the "heaven". Well, it wasn't exactly heaven. I zipped past the stalls throwing a quick glance through the partially open broken wooden doors of the stalls and rejecting all those that had the Indian Toilet. Thank you sweet Lord, for the last stall had the American one, I stepped into it gingerly for it was supremely disgusting. Careful not to touch anything moist or mouldy or... brown, and after having inspected it and assuring myself that yes it was usable, i turned around to lock the door and viola! 

No freakin' lock! The door had no lock! D:

 

As soon as the painful discovery was made, my bladder contorted and I was forced into using the hell now that it was. No scratch that. It was still heaven because dude I was getting the relief that I SO desperately needed. 

No, I cannot tell you how I managed to keep the door closed while simultaneously take the wee.

I am itching to write a strongly worded letter to the management of the university that harboured the disgusting bathroom but i am afraid i am going to get killed for speaking up. at least this is one such medium through which I can voice some of the adventures i have.

          I am stopping here now and will update more of my silly adventures here later. Adios!

Wild Rapping

I want to start my day pretty

Getting off that bed

Putting on a jacket so rad

People go oooooo

I go shooooo

Got my attitude on

Like cheapster in the dumpyard

Going crazy with stuffed bears

In this world not one freakin' care

Unh

Yea

Got rings on my fingers

Got my ny-kee snickers

I gotta start my day pretty

-LJ

(Oh God, what madness is this?^)



oh my God, I opened up my blog to see this colourful post staring back at me and I thought: "God, was I drunk when I wrote this? Like what the fresh cruk is this?" But I like it. And, may be I should let it stay here and allow it to mess up with my non-existent audience. :3

The String Theory

Sometimes in the shower, I think about the universe.

I think about it when I am close to sleep or when I am on my way to some place where there are unlikable people. From all of the ‘Einstein’ thinking, I have derived this theory. I call it The String Theory. I had been meaning to pen this “theory” down for quite some time. It follows:

That, people are attached to the universe by strings. Strings have the unique ability to vibrate when they are held taut and are plucked roughly anywhere in the middle (or not necessarily in the middle, just basically anywhere).

Now that I am assuming that we have strings attached, we also produce vibrations when something plucks them. By that something I mean is a life event, or a simple moment or something as simple as a gesture. Now that we know our strings have vibrations; is that where the term, the idea of ‘vibes’ comes from? Words like, ‘I get negative vibes from that person’, or ‘he or she emits positive vibes’, or ‘our frequencies match/don’t match’ and anyone who has some idea about vibrations knows that frequency is a word that usually is associated with studies related to vibrations.

I also think that our strings are not just connected to the universe, but are also attached to each and every person there is on the planet. And that these strings are more strongly connected to the people who are closer to you, like your loved ones.

So if there is anything that you want in life, pluck your strings with your positive thoughts, happy music, spontaneous dancing, meditation and shit, creating positive vibrations and surrounding yourself with these, and then sailing on in that stormy sea of life like the vociferous, sassy sailor you are!

I know, easier said than done but… try?

Now I'll just come outta my bathroom.

Fried Neurones

I WANT TO PAINT!


I live in a college (yes, live. Half of my life is supposed to be lived in that dreary, enclosure called college owing to the exhausting long hours that are compulsory to be attended by us medstuds) that is affiliated with a ubiquitous university of the city. Which means that our college does not have a mind of its own and that its the university that controls all its actions and the college is just supposed to comply to its wishes and get on with it. Any word from the university is like writing on the rock.

On this fateful day today, I intend to unload the brunt of my frustrations over the fact that why on earth can't this "university" get it's s*** together?(!!!!!!) I know, I know, I know, I shouldn't be judging and the sorts because its probably enmeshed and all tangled in a gooey, slimy, grimy mess of its own which most probably resulted because the people holding the administrative offices there got involved in a s***load of sticky trouble. But WHY???? You are a university for God's sake! Delaying exam dates, keeping students in a limbo, getting them worked up and crazy over when the exact date of their annual exams will be announced has earned you people the height of irresponsibility tantamount to the height of the Burj Al-Khalifa! 

In case you (addressed to the university) didn't realise, this is an ordeal for us students. It makes us hate you and curse you a thousand times over in our heads. Students after guessing at the dates ultimately give up the guessing game, saying: "Hello, this is the university. Anything can be expected from it. Don't even bother wasting time on it."

My point is, this is a challenging profession; challenging, in that it challenges you at practically all levels: it challenges you on your perseverance, discipline, hard work, intelligence, manners, EQ, IQ, time management, efficiency, emotions, patience, et al. In a nutshell, it challenges your life. Studying and waiting for final exams whose dates have not been specified sends us students in an emotional turmoil. We are constantly in a state of persistent stress and anxiety. Even when we are out enjoying a dinner with our families, et cetra, there is ALWAYS this nagging, compulsion that the exam date could be either very near or far at the end of the present month. This state of uncertainty is excruciating and painful for us to function. There are bags under the dull eyes, our faces are drawn, irritability dominates our character. One day that goes without studying plunges us in an ocean of self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy and guilt. And we all know that two of the worst, most deleterious feelings that humans can experince are guilt and regret.

I have come to realise that this is something the administration/examination department lends a 'care to hoots' attitude, when in fact it is the peace of a student's mind that is needed in order for him or her to study well and become a better doctor, one who is pleasant in mannerisms and quick to treat. Do you really think that keeping students in such a state of apprehension will yield successful doctors for the people of our country? 

No. All you will ever get is a long line of disgruntled, obese, rattled doctors. Already, the studies of this profession is challengeing enough, do you really think it is fair to medical studnents to keep them in a constant state of ambiguity as regards to their dates of FINAL exams, and suddenly unleashing a date upon them and expecting them to turn out with the best results? Preposterous! 

 

('^Something like this would be happening in the near future: clueless doctors who had no time to relax after their exams and were suspended in a continuous state of either waiting for their exams' dates to be announced or for their results to be revealed. Fried neurones is what they have in their brains now. Their thinking processes all but compromised in the long run.")

As you saw earlier, my post begins with a rather unexpected excalamation. In case you forgot, it is us medical students who happen to be human too, who want to break away from the monotony of rigorous studying for some time, who like to unwind themselves through creative outlets (in my case, its painting.) 

Just remember, it is the healthy mind that paves way for success. And in case of the doctors-in-making, it is you who will at some point in life be coming and demanding the services of a doctor and it just so happens that oftentimes, it is the doctor that is the only thing standing between you and your grave.