Before I Forget.

I want to write a few things down here, before I forget.

Now:

I feel like I have reached the age where I do not give a shit as to what other people think of me.



Sometimes, my mind does get infiltrated with shit like what other people think of me. But I believe now that this flaw of mine has come a tad more in my control now. Thank God for that! Phewp!

I must mention here that I took more than five years (make it 10 years) to reach this freedom-like phase of mine. And I gotta tell you. It. Feels. Wonderful.

Like I have said before, I do revert to the old habit of mine, processing the negative comments and getting myself totally worked up over them, tiring myself in the end and causing considerable loss of precious time in my life. It is an awful, awful phase and I don't ever would want to wish it upon anyone in this world.

I want you to know, my dear reader, that we all know deep within our hearts that every single thing is temporary on this planet. Every thing is bound to end: relationships, food, water, your favourite pet or pets, you. But one thing that remains with you until your death is your ability to breathe.

Your breathing won't desert you. If your mechanism of breathing stops, you stop and then you needn't worry about anything.

My advice?

Make breathing, and most importantly prayers your best friends. 

Then:

I absolutely gave shit as to what other people thought of me. About 99% of the time, my mind would be infiltrated with this nonsense. I was extremely anxious, had really low self-esteem and self-confidence. I would easily be discouraged by a handful of negative criticism, and I'd take a decade to come out of the smelly chasm of negative thoughts.

If there is one thing that I'd like to tell my old self, it is that:

Be ruthlessly honest with yourself for yourself. 

The latter that I have written is for my own good. I MUST NOT LIE TO MYSELF. It is only going to give me excruciating pain in the future if I continue to lie to myself. I must be sincere to myself. This is a lesson that I have learned in all the life I have lived up until now.

I must not feel bad or guilty, or shy away from asking something I do not know. Ask that sincere, i-really-want-to-know-and-learn-about-it question with all the confidence in the world. In a profession such as mine, it is my right to know.